


Us Against The Universe

by MantaRae



Category: In a Heartbeat (Short Film)
Genre: Don't worry I'll be sure to tone it down a bit, FTM, Jonathan is his bully pretty much, Kinda, M/M, Neglect I think?, Other, Sherwin has a twin brother hehe, Slow Burn, Trans Sherwin, Transphobia, lotsa angst, some violence, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-05
Updated: 2018-05-08
Packaged: 2019-04-18 21:54:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14222589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MantaRae/pseuds/MantaRae
Summary: The universe is NOT lucky. Though, as much as Sherwin believes this, he's there to support his twin, Shaun, with his superstitions.Even if the universe IS lucky, Sherwin believes the universe must hate him because, well, a really hot guy happens to hate him, and beat him up quite a few times.Why?Why did the universe put him in a female body?Why did the universe make people hate him because of it?Why did the universe try to kill him?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I origanally posted this fanfiction on Wattpad, and it is still in progress. I hope you enjoy regardless ^.^

_"_   _Nothing like that has ever happened before. I feel like I just flew or something."_

_-Noah_ _Sweetwine_ _(_ _Jandy_ _Nelson, I'll Give You The Sun)_

  
I sit down at my table, grimacing slightly at the pile of food. Shaun sits next to me, bouncing a little in his seat.

It would be a lie to say that we were identical. Even  _remotely_. Shaun's hair is combed neatly and trimmed to a shorter length, while mine can hardly be tamed. He has so many freckles, he looks like a cheese pizza. I  _have_ freckles, but not nearly that many. Shaun had vibrant green eyes, which are very fun to draw, while mine most likely looked like crap. Literally.

Our personalities are different too. Shaun is liked by almost everyone because of his peppy, optimistic attitude. He always seems to get the girls running after him, even though he doesn't show any interest in dating at all. Even though, like I mentioned before, his face looks like a cheese pizza, the girls, quote-unquote, "wanna eat 'em allllllll up!"

Gag.

I, however, hardly talk. And when I do, it's one or two words responding to an authority figure and such. No one really talks to me, and when they do, it's not exactly 'friendly'.

In fact, it's pretty much the exact opposite.

Shaun crookedly smiles at me, with his cheese-pizza face. "How's it goin' bro?"

I shrug, pushing my tray away from me. "Well, I didn't get pulverized."

Shaun chuckles. "That's good. Besides, it is the last day of eighth grade. Jon should give you a break for once."

I sigh.

_Jonathan_ was the cause of my daily torchers. It could go from simple name calling to him and his group beating me up.

Sunny, Matt, and Ayden used to bully me, but not as much. Well, at least until last year. That's when Jonathan moved here. And that's when the bullying came at full speed.

It would be easier to deal with if he was ugly or stupid. But really, he's  _neither._ Jonathan is pretty smart, and always reading some sort of book, whether it be a text book or  _Percy Jackson,_ it doesn't matter to him.

He's probably the most good looking guy in school. His tan skin is clear of any zits or freckles, and his hair is always combed neatly. His blue eyes puts my brother's green ones to shame.

Is it weird to hate someone but admire them just as much?

Shaun stands up. "I'll be right back, Sher." He says bubbly, walking away from the table. I give him a small wave.

After looking at my untouched lunch, I finally decide not to eat it. Really no point.

I gasp when someone clears their throat, and when I realise who it is, I think I might puke.

_Jonathan._

"Hey,  _Shirley._ " He says, smirking. Sunny, Matt, and Ayden stand behind him, laughing.

All I can do is blink. What is he gonna do? Just stand there? Say something!

"Where's your bro-bro?" He asks, but more in a taunting way. He raises an eyebrow.

I shake my head. "I-I think he's in the mens' room..."

_Yeah Sherwin, go along with his games. Maybe he'll leave you alone._

This time Ayden speaks up, an evil smirk on his face. "No wonder you didn't follow him then."

I know what he means, I know exactly what he means. But it isn't the comment that triggered me. It was the fact that Jonathan laughed.

So I take my milk, and dump it on his pretty boy 1950's hair.

Their laughter goes dead silent for a moment, and Jonathan's eyes are wide. After realising my dumb--but quite satisfying--action, I grab my tray, dump it in the trashcan, and bolt the hell out of there.

I ram into Shaun, who's walking out of the bathroom. He catches my fall and gives me a concerned look.

"Are you okay, Sherwin?" He asks.

I blink, then burst into laughter. I can't help it.

I notice Jonathan going into the bathroom, looking like he'll blow up, but I pay no mind to it.

Two words go through my mind, over and over.

_I won!_

Shaun raises an eyebrow. "Won what?"

Did I say that out loud?

"I dumped my milk on Jonathan's head." I blurt out. Shaun blinks, then laughs with me.

When Jonathan walks out of the restroom, he glances at me, and I half expect him to be furious.

But instead, he looks emotionless.

I take a few deep breaths, and run my fingers through my hair. If this is the start of my summer, imagine the start of high school!

I smile. Things are going great.

_High school, here I come._


	2. Chapter 2

_"_ _Thoughts could leave deeper scars than almost anything else."_

_-Madam_ _Pomfrey_ _(J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter)_

Shaun grabs my hand and helps me onto the ladder, until I can grasp onto the bars on my own. His flashlight illuminates upward as we climb the ladder and onto the slightly slanted roof of our house. We lay on our backs, side by side, before Shaun turns off the flashlight and we can see the huge balls of light that looks so small from where we are.

Shaun has always loved space. Ever since we were old enough to climb a ladder without falling, we would look at the stars every Sunday night. Sometimes other nights, depending on how much luck we need. Shaun, even though we're going to high school soon, still deeply believes that it brings luck looking at the stars.

I don't tell him it doesn't work, even though during the time we've done this, I've suffered multiple beatings, our mom disowned me, and Jonathan moved to our school. But then again, we looked at the stars the night before I dumped my milk on Jonathan's head. I chuckle silently.

"Can you draw the universe?" Shaun asks, not looking away from the night sky.

"Sure." I start. "I can even put your name in white bubble letters and you can hang it in our room."

"No, you should keep it in your sketchbook." He insists. "I want you to have some luck everywhere you go."

Universe = luck.

"You need it." He continues. "In case they bully you again. You know in high school it could just get worse."

I nod, and I know he sees it.

"They better stop." Shaun scrunches his nose, something he does when he's frustrated or upset. "Or I'm gonna slit their throats."

"Shaun." I warn. "The universe is telling you to calm down." I tease, trying to lighten the mood. It works. Shaun laughs.

"Yeah yeah, yada yada yada."

I look back up at the stars, getting a vision of them in my mind. The way more houses are at the bottom, how the moon shines overhead.

_I am so drawing this later._

**• • •**

I look at my schedule, glancing at my locker number and searching for the locker that has it embedded in little silver letters.

When I find it, I put my padlock on it and open it a few times, getting the feel of it, before going to my first hour class.

_Geometry._

Shaun has Earth and Space Science right now. When he found out that they didn't cut it from his schedule, he went ecstatic.

I slip into a random seat near the front of the classroom, laying my sketchbook, which I carry everywhere, and my regular notebook on the desk, and tap my pencil on it.

Our teacher writes her name on the whiteboard.

_Mrs. Blair._

"Hello class! Welcome to Geometry! I see we have some Freshman...Sophomores..." She looks at an older male in the back of the classroom and smirks. "And one Junior."

"Come on Blair Bear! Gimme a break!" He laughs, and I laugh too.

Mrs. Blair smiles and rolls her eyes. "Don't worry class. I wouldn't annoy Caleb over here so much if he didn't enjoy it."

We all laugh again. Maybe the universe is lucky. Even if it's just a drawing in my sketchbook.

Suddenly the door opens and a boy pants, plopping down in the seat behind me.

"Sorry I'm late. I couldn't find my way here."

I recognize that voice. Why did  _Jonathan_  have to have the same first hour as me? Why did he have to have any hour with me?

What a  _wonderful_  way to start the day.

Mrs. Blair laughs. I don't.

Screw the universe. Screw it, screw it, screw it.

"It's okay. Happens to all of us."

Screw it.

"Thank you, Mrs. Blair."

Screw it.

I cannot say those two words enough.

Maybe he forgot I existed? Yeah, think positive. Maybe he didn't remember my life and existence and will move on to the next poor kid. Or torcher his pillow! I really could take anything at this point.

I feel his damned eyes bore into the back of my head. Then he whispers: "Hey, Shirley! We have the same class. What a small world huh? Now that you're in this class, things could get interesting."

Nope, still knows I exist.

_Yay_.

"Oh yes, what a small world. Too bad you're in it. It's wasting precious space."

_OHMYGODDIDIJUSTSAYTHATOUTLOUD_ _!?_

He doesn't respond. I shift in my seat a little.

He is definitely going to kill me. I just hope he does it quickly.

**• • •**

At lunch, I sit next to Shaun, like always. But this time, something's different.

Caleb from Geometry is there, he gives a little wave.

"You were in my Geometry class!" He says. "Shaun here says you're his twin. Y'all look nothing alike. You look like red velvet cake crumbs were sprinkled on your face while your brother's looks like a red and pale version of the universe.

I notice my brother's face light up.

"Sherwin, right?" Caleb points at me, I nod. Caleb has really dark curly hair, and is really tall and lanky.

Shaun chuckles. "Sherwin's a master at drawing. You should see his sketches."

I nod again, opening to a certain page in my sketchbook, and showing it to Caleb. It's just a drawing of a random boy I saw in a restaurant one time and, I'll admit, I did beg him to pose long enough to get a rough sketch of him.

Caleb's mouth forms an 'o' shape. "Damn. That's fucking talent. You need to join art club or something."

"You should see the drawing he drew of the universe last night."

I laugh and flip to that page, and show him again. He just breaths a 'woah'.

I close my sketchbook and hug it to my chest, hoping he doesn't ask to see more. I feel kind of exposed showing my drawings to people other than my brother.

I open my mouth to say 'thank you', but suddenly feel something wet being poured on my head.

_Oh God._

_Oh my God this can't be happening._

I look behind me to see Sunny, Ayden, and Matt, who's holding the milk carton, and Jonathan looks like he's going to explode from laughter, his face is so red.

Matt shrugs. "Consider it returning the favor." He says, smirking.

"What the hell, Matt?" Shaun stands up, glaring. Caleb stands up as well, picking up his tray.

"You wanna get this whole plate dumped on your fat ass heads?"

Sunny rolls her eyes. "Awe come on, Shirley doesn't mind. In fact, she enjoys it, don't you, Shirley?"

I feel like throwing up again, but I don't. I squeeze my left thumb and ball my right hand in a fist. It's supposed to turn off your gag reflexes. I can feel the milk starting to stick to my face.

Ayden cackles, running back to his table and coming back with another milk carton. "Let's continue, shall we, Shirley?"

"Maybe we should stop."

I blink in confusion when Jonathan grabs Ayden's milk carton and rolls his eyes. "It's a waste of good milk."

Their group gives off confused glances, but then shrugs and walks off, Jonathan following.

"Let's take you to the bathroom." Caleb says, standing up. I shake my head.

"I-I can't."

"How come?" Caleb raises an eyebrow and a concerned look spreads across his face.

"Sherwin...h-he's...well-"

"Trans." I say quietly. "They won't let me use the bathroom until I get the surgery. But dad can't afford that right now. My name used to be Shirley. That's why they call me that."

"Oh...oh my God I'm so sorry. I didn't know..." Caleb apologises. I shake my head.

"It's okay."

"I'll get you some paper towels." He runs to the bathroom. Shaun sighs and holds my hand.

_Think positive._  I tell myself.

I don't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here are some song recommendations that has nothing to do with the book cause ya boy likes songs
> 
> Girls Like Girls - Hailey Kiyoko 
> 
> (Fuck A ) Silver Lining - Panic! At The Disco
> 
> Dream Catcher - Set It Off (look this band up and bless yourselves)
> 
> Stay safe friends 
> 
> \- Xavier Rae


	3. Chapter 3

_"_ _If no one in this world cared about you, did you really exist at all?"_

_-Tessa Gray (Cassandra Clare, The Infernal Devices)_

After the whole 'accident' at lunch, I found out that Jonathan had me in Biology,  _and W_ orld Studies.

What a time to be alive.

When I get home, I wash my hair since I know that some milk could've stayed there. When I'm done, I dry it and drape the towel around my neck and go into the kitchen.

Shaun sits at the table, chewing a ham sandwich and on his phone. His cheeks are a flushed pink and he's smiling the smallest bit. I laugh.

"Who're you textin?" I ask teasingly, going to the fridge and opening it.

There's a pause before he replies. "No one." Grabbing a water bottle, I close the fridge.

"Okay then, why are you so red? Wait, are you reading smut?" He suddenly chokes on his sandwich, then when he can actually breath again, I look at him and he shakes his head vigorously.

"What!? No!!!"

I shrug, giggling. "Okay, okay. At least tell me why your blushing."

"That's for me know, and you to find out." Shaun smirks and goes back to his phone, and I chuckle.

"Whatever."

Sitting at the table, I open my water and drink it, hearing Shaun laugh.

"You're not gonna flip it."

"Oh I'm totally gonna flip it."

"You better flip it." I look up and see dad, chuckling to himself. Dad has curly red hair, like me, with a little bit of a goatee. ( **Lol he reminds me of Ed Sheeran**   **a little bit** )

Shaun and I laugh. Shaun bites into his sandwich again and dad rolls his eyes with a smile.

Dad goes upstairs with a small smile and a wave.

When I prepare to jokedly flip the water bottle, I hear footsteps coming into the kitchen which I immediately recognize as mom's high heals.

"Hi, Shaun honey." She says, kissing the top of his head. She walks right passed me.

Mom has super long red hair, that goes to her knees. But it's always tied and twisted into a braid. She would be really pretty if she wasn't such a jerk.

Mom is, how should I say this? A whore.  _Literally._ Dad has an actual job while mom pays guys to have sex with her. It's nauseating.

Shaun says nothing. He's hardly talked to mom since the day she declared I wasn't her child anymore. When she does recognize my existence, She calls me Shirley. That's it. She, her, Shirley.

Mom doesn't even talk to me directly. If she needs to say something to me, she'll ask dad or Shaun to do it.

Speaking of which...

"Shaun dear, can you ask Shirley to grab my purse from upstairs?"

Shaun stays quiet for a moment, then looks up. "Who?"

"Shirley. You know, your sister?"

Shaun smirks at me, then winks. "I don't have a sister. I do have a brother though. His name is Sherwin. You should know. You did kinda push him out of your crotch."

There's a pause, then mom stomps upstairs. Shaun and I both start laughing.

"Thanks."

"No problem, you deserve more than a shitty mother like that."

I bite my lip and nod, and Shaun gives me a warm smile.

"Don't worry. One day, either she will except you, or dad will dump her and find someone that will."

I nod again. "I sure hope so..."

We suddenly hear yelling from upstairs, which can be none other than mom and dad's constant fights. There was a time when they didn't fight. When I was still mom's child. But all that changed when the closet door opened.

I feel a lot of their fights are because of me.

But that's okay, I'm used to it.

Tonight, I'll just ask Shaun if we can look at the stars. Maybe he'll tell me why he was blushing.


	4. Chapter 4

_"_ _No matter how unlikely, I always have a secret shred of hope. And as feelings go, that's a pretty addictive one."_

_-Molly Peskin-Suso (Becky Albertalli, The Upside of Unrequited)_

Today at school, there's an assembly. In the gym, there's different tables with a few teachers and students at each one.

"This is your chance to choose your clubs, so choose wisely. You can choose as many as you want, but don't try to over work yourself with fifteen different different activities." The Principal says into the mic. "Now go choose your clubs!"

The students poor out of the bleachers like crazy. Shaun grabs my hand and runs down as well.

"Imma sign up for Science Club!" He shouts over the crowd. I nod and he runs off.

I look around at the different signs hung over the tables.

_Math Club._

Nah.

_Skills._

No thanks.

_Art Club._

Bingo.

I run over to the table and a girl greets me with a kind smile.

"Hi! If you wanna join art club, just write your name on this paper and take this permission slip. Have a nice day!"

"Thank you." I write my name on the paper and grab the permission slip.

I look around for any other clubs, and one in particular catches my eye.

_GSA..._

I almost go ecstatic, running up beside someone who is already signing up. Caleb is the one at the other side of the table, and he smiles.

"Sherwin! Hi! You wanna join GSA?"

"Hell yeah!" I blurt out. He laughs.

"I have a permission slip, but if you haven't come out to your parents or they don't want you joining, just sign your name." I nod eagerly and sign the paper.

"Kay, I'm done." The guy beside me says. But I recognize that voice.

"Okay Jonathan. Remember, if you get more than two detentions you can't join."

_Sherwin.exe has stopped working._

Jonathan laughs, and when he notices me, a bit of excitement flashes in his eyes, but I can't tell.

"Hey Shirley, now that you're joining this, Imma enjoy it ten times more."

I blink, unable to resond.

"U-uh...and me, you?"

Jonathan laughs, rolling his eyes. I'm filled with utter confusion.

If Jonathan's signing up for GSA, why does he tourcher me?

Doesn't that mean he supports?

What?

Jonathan snaps his fingers in front of my face. "Hello? Earth to Shirley! Stop staring at me, I'm gonna puke."

I get out of my trance and bolt. My face turns red from embarrassment.

Jonathan joined GSA.

JONATHAN JOINED GSA!!!

I cannot process that like I should.

Shaun runs up to me and raises an eyebrow. "You okay bro?" I blink and nod.

"Yeah...I just joined GSA, I think Caleb is the leader."

"Fucking WHERE!?" He shouts, jumping up and down. I laugh. Pointing into the direction where the table was.

"GAY!!!" I hear him shout from the distance. I laugh.

One things for sure, I am  _not_ letting Jonathan ruin this year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ehhh this chappie is kinda short but that's okay
> 
> Some song recommendations (did I already do this??)
> 
> In My Blood - Shawn Mendes
> 
> Life Afraid - Set It Off
> 
> Bad At Love - Halsey 
> 
> Stay safe guys <3
> 
> -Xavier Rae


	5. Chapter 5

_"My dear, I don't give a damn."_

- _Michelle C. Gone With The Wind_

I wake up to "1-800-273-8255" as my alarm. I unlock my phone and squint. I almost sigh of relief when I realize it's Saturday. Possibly the only day I can get sleep. I close my eyes and sigh, trying to get lost in thought so I can drift out of consciousness.

"SHERWIN WAKE UP BRO!!!"

Welp, never mind.

I groan when Shawn hangs over the top bunk, grinning at me upside down. "Guess what's in two and a half weeks?"

"My death?"

He grabs one of his pillows and throws it at me, though it flies by my ear and hits the wall.

" _Homecoming_ , Sher! And you know what that means~"

"No. Nonononononono! NO!!! You are  _not_  setting me up with someone." Shaun pouts and flips himself off of the top bunk, landing with a loud 'thump' on his back. He just laughs it off.

"Well, in that case, I need  _you_ to help set  _me_ up with someone." I gasp, sitting upright but hitting my head on one of the bars of Shaun's bunk above me.

"Ouch..." I mumble, rubbing my head. "Anyway, WHO DO YOU WANT ME TO SET YOU UP WITH!?"

Shaun rolls his eyes, but still smiles. "Who said it was one person?"

"Well, you've been on your phone and blushing a lot lately, so I would think either a) you have a crush, or b) you're in a new fandom." Shaun raises an eyebrow.

"Mayyyyyybe I've joined a new fandom." He retorts, and I just roll my eyes.

"Nope, you haven't talked about it, nor do I see you obsess over the book and/or movie." I smirk. "So, you have a crush."

His face turns red, but he stands up and looks at me. "Promise not to tell anyone?"

I do the 'cross your heart' gesture and laugh. "As long as you don't ditch me for long at homecoming. Who knows what could happen."

"I would  _never!"_ He pretends to be offended. He purses his lips. "Okay, you ready?" I nod eagerly. He takes a deep breath.

"Caleb."

I gasp, then bite my knuckle to keep from screaming. Mom would whoop my ass if I woke her up after a...er...'busy night'. Shaun turns red and chuckles the small bit of embarrassment off.

"Yeah, yeah. But just look at him!"

"He does run GSA..." Shaun nods.

"I know, but he could just be a really supportive ally." He frowns. "I mean, it's a huge ray of hope, sure. But he could still like girls."

I blink. "What about you?"

"Me?" He shrugs. "I don't know."

"You'll figure it out." I give him a warm smile. "And when you do, it's like a breath of fresh air."

He smiles back at me, and chuckles. "Thanks, bro." He pauses and looks away. "Can I tell you something?"

I nod. "Course."

"I know it's weird, but if you and Jonathan weren't enemies, you'd actually be really cute."


End file.
